The Young Switcheroo
by Smileyfax
Summary: We've replaced Helen Morgendorffer's first daughter with Jane Lane. Let's see if she can tell the difference.
1. Chapter 1

"Jake, how hard is it to find a damn hospital?!" Helen screeched. As she was very pregnant and in labor, it seemed like a very valid question.

"Damnit, Helen, this town is confusing!" he pleaded. They lived in Middleton but had been trying to visit a friend of Helen's in Lawndale -- Linda something. Jake had been unable to follow the directions to her house, too, and Helen's water broke while Jake contemplated the street signs.

They passed another sign, "Ashfield 5 MI", which caused Jake to shout "Hey!" He pointed out the sign to Helen. "I remember Willow and Coyote talking about a commune named Ashfield which was near Lawndale. They might have a midwife!"

Helen rolled her eyes. "It'll have to do, Jake, I don't think our baby's going to wait much longer!" Her voice peaked at the end of the sentence as another contraction rocked her body.

Jake floored it.

XXXX

Jake led Helen into the building that had Ashfield Visitor's Center on the front. Inside, a woman with honey-colored hair and teardrop-shaped earrings was watching TV with her legs propped up on the desk she sat behind.

"Quick! Where's the midwife?" Jake asked.

"Midwife?" The woman asked blandly.

"This is a commune, isn't it? Our friends Willow and Coyote told us about this place."

The woman smiled then. "Oh, Willow and Coyote. We haven't seen them in a while. I'm afraid Ashfield has been an arts center for a few years now."

"Damnit!" Jake shouted. "My wife's going to give birth any minute now, and there's nobody to help us!"

"Oh, she's going to give birth? Well, I can help you out with that."

"You can?!"

"Oh, sure. I've given birth five times, I know just what to do."

XXXX

Jake awoke the next morning. "Helen, the baby!" he cried out.

"I had the baby last night, Jake," Helen said, a sour tone in her voice. "YOU fainted!"

"Aw," Jake said guiltily. "I...I'm sorry, Helen."

"Oh, it's alright, Jake. I really should have expected it..."

"Are you two Helen and Jake?" came a voice from the door. The man had black hair which spilled down onto his forehead and a little moustache that looked like it had been pencilled in.

He also carried a bawling infant in his arms.

"Is that Daria?" Helen asked.

"Sure is, miss," he said, handing the baby over. I just got back overseas to visit my own little girl. She was just born a week or two ago, herself."

"How wonderful, congratulations!" Helen offered.

XXXX

As he watched the Morgendorffers drive off, his wife joined him.

"You remembered to give them their daughter, right, Vincent?"

"Naturally, Amanda," he reassured her.

"And you gave them the right baby, right? Because I put them in the same crib, but I tied a pink ribbon around Janey's wrist."

"Yes, Amanda, the baby I gave them didn't have a pink ribbon.

XXXX

Inside, in the baby carriage, next to the sleeping newborn, lay a pink ribbon that had come off.

"That's a beautiful girl you have there," he said, changing the subject. "Amanda and I have three ourselves. Two boys, also. We just had Jane a few weeks ago, even." 


	2. Chapter 2

Before leaving for the first day at Lawndale High, Daria checked herself in the mirror. She had changed her black hair to a plain bowl cut. The mohawk had been fun -- especially for irritating Buzzcut -- but she felt it best to keep things simple while feeling out the student body. She didn't want to cause any riots...on the first day, at least.

She looked around the room for something to wear to school. She absently rubbed the crystal Stewart had given her as a birthday present several years ago as she dug through the scattered piles of clothing littering the floor.

"Gawd, Daria, why can't you use drawers like regular people?" Quinn asked. She stood at the entrance to Daria's room, reluctant to enter any further (the padded walls weirded her out).

"Because I'm not regular," Daria pointed out.

"Well DUH!" Quinn watched as Daria rummaged around. She lifted a t-shirt with a low neckline out of one pile. "Ooh, go with that one," Quinn suggested. "It's cute, and boys will go after you."

Daria considered this. "Nah. I don't want to make a big splash today."

"You don't want to make a big splash today?" Quinn asked, disbelieving. "But today's, like, the first day of the rest of our high school lives! The first impression is always the most important one! Do you really want to squander that!"

Daria also considered this. "You know what, Quinn? You're right."

Quinn smiled.

"I'll go put my hair back up in a mohawk."

Quinn hung her head, muttering "It's just not fair...it's just not fair..."

XXXX

"What do you see in the picture, Dara?"

Daria rolled her eyes, wishing somebody outside her family would get her name right for once. The only time it had ever been remotely amusing was when Beavis and Butt-head had compared her name to runny excrement, and they drove that one into the ground real fast.

"It's a picture of two people talking."

"Yes, we already established that with Quinn. Would you tell me what they're talking about?"

"Well, they've been going out for a while, and he's upset because other people keep asking her out, and she saying she can't help it if she's attractive-"

"Daria, that's exactly what your sister just said."

"You asked me to tell you what they were talking about."

Quinn and Dr. Manson sighed simultaneously.

XXXX

"Daria, can you concisely and unemotionally sum up for us the doctrine of Manifest Destiny?"

Daria frowned. "That sounds like the name of one of the bands my mom used to listen to..." She saw a vein on Mr. DeMartino's forehead throb. "But that's not it. Hm...was it the one where the US was trying to limit foreign meddling in their hemisphere?"

DeMartino shook his head. "WRONG, Miss Morgendorffer. That was the Monroe DOCTRINE. But I'll give you half a point for landing in the right CENTURY." He said that with a contemptuous glare at the football player seated next to Daria. "Manifest Destiny was a popular attitude in the 1840s, connected to the belief that the United States should expand all the way to the Pacific Ocean. Kevin! Maybe you could tell me who might have opposed this policy?"

"Um...the Vietcong?"

XXXX

Daria was working on a painting of her four crazy teachers -- Mr. DeMartino, Mr. O'Neill, Ms. Barch, and Ms. Li (who, while not a teacher, was certainly crazy enough to qualify) -- as the faces on Mount Rushmore. She reflected on the events of the past day...

Quinn was certainly relieved that she had just been kidding about the mohawk. Of course, they hadn't seen each other again until she was rambling about being asked to join four or five different clubs that evening at dinner -- which was interrupted by Dr. Manson, who had informed her mother that she would be making a beeline for self-esteem classes two times a week. She immediately had a hunch that the class was a pigeon-hole for troublesome (or annoying) students, but Helen would hear none of it.

Other than the psychotic history teacher, the guy who made Van Driessen look like Buzzcut, and the woman who made Buzzcut look like Martha Stewart, things seemed pretty lackluster at Lawndale. Daria anticipated that the next two years would be fully uneventful.

XXXXXXXXXX

You would not believe how many times I typed 'Jane' instead of 'Daria'.

Coming up in the next chapter: Robocop fights a T-Rex! (Note: Not really). 


	3. Chapter 3

Daria scanned the mall directory for an art supply store. Failing to find any, she stood back and sighed. Dad wouldn't be back for another hour or so, and she didn't know the bus' schedule, so she was stuck here for the time being.

She decided to check out the cafeteria so she could sketch people. Hopefully, there would be some interesting freaks.

At first, nobody interesting showed up for ten minutes. Then, a woman wearing a black t-shirt, blue jeans, a brown apron, and glasses with square frames showed up. Topping it off was a ridiculous squirrel hat (or perhaps it was a chipmunk...) out of which stuck a brown ponytail.

Daria started sketching away as the woman got a meal from Burger Time. The sketch she drew depicted the woman as a fierce warrior, hefting a spear in one hand, wearing the tattered pelt of a giant squirrel, face frozen in mid-yell.

She kept stealing glances every once in a while as she sketched. As she was finishing the sketch, she looked up once more, to see the woman standing right there.

"GAAH!" Daria shouted.

"Hello," the woman said in a neutral tone. "I noticed you were sketching me."

"Uh...yeah," Daria admitted.

"Could I see?" she asked.

"Sure thing," Daria said, handing her the sketchpad.

The woman gazed at the portrait for a minute, following the lines with her fingers. Finally, she spoke again:

"Badass."

The little knot of anxiety in Daria's stomach unknotted itself, and she smiled. "Glad you like it. Why do you wear that weird hat, anyway?"

She shrugged. "I work at It's A Nutty, Nutty, Nutty World, the nut stand on the second floor. I serve nuts."

"But what do you sell?" Daria asked.

That elicited a brief chuckle from the woman. "Okay, clearly you're new in town, or else they would have confiscated your brain already. I'm Jane." She extended her hand.

"Daria." Daria reached out, and they shook.

"I just got off my shift, actually," Jane said. "Did you want to hang out or something?"

"I'd love to. This town is dull as hell without someone to kill time with."

"Well, it's still dull as hell, but misery loves company."

The two chatted as they walked to the mall entrance. "So, you go to Lawndale High?" Jane asked.

"Yeah. I haven't seen you there, though."

Jane nodded. "I got my GED, and I'm emancipated."

"Oh. Um, is there a bad story behind that?"

"Not really. I just decided I was tired of living under Herr Li's regime, and tired of being surrounded by idiots. I got emancipated because it opened up a lot of opportunities -- I can work longer shifts at the 'Nut House', for example -- and mom didn't mind at all. She's...one of those free-living types, an aging hippie." Despite the words themselves, Jane sounded just a bit strained when talking about her mother.

"Ah, that's good," Daria said. "So, do you go to college, then?"

"Yeah, Middleton University. I haven't decided on whether I want to major in business or law, though."

Daria didn't really know how to reply to that -- college was so far away for her, it was practically on another continent. "Wow," she managed.

"Yeah. I've been thinking about majoring in both, though."

They reached a big, black van that had definitely seen better days. Jane opened up the side door and climbed in. "Trent, wake up!" she shouted to a man sleeping in the driver's seat.

"No, Janey, not the ice water," he mumbled, still in dreamland.

"I don't have ice water this time, Trent. I have ANTS!" She screamed the last into his ear, and he sat up, screaming.

"Damnit, Janey, that wasn't cool," Trent complained.

"You're supposed to drive me home, Trent, not nap in the van. You're supposed to sleep at night."

"Yeah, I know," he said, sounding like a child who was just sad that he got caught. "Who's your friend, Janey?"

"Oh, this is Daria. She's cool."

"Cool." 


	4. Chapter 4

They pulled up to a house with a weird sculpture in its yard. "Neat sculpture," Daria noted.

"Mom made it," Jane said with a shrug.

Inside, Daria called her father to let him know she got her own ride, then followed Jane up to her room.

The room was a monument to literature. One entire wall was a giant bookshelf, more books than Daria had ever seen outside of a library or bookstore. "You've read all those?" she asked incredulously. Jane just nodded.

The other walls had posters of literary greats, like Twain and Shakespeare. In the corner sat a desk with a computer. A document was open on the monitor, stopped in mid-sentence. Jane dropped the rodent hat next to it, saved the document, and shut off the computer.

"So, my brother has practice in an hour, but until then, there's this show I like to watch, Sick Sad World. Ever hear of it?"

Daria put her hands on Jane's shoulders. "Jane, I think we might be long-lost sisters."

XXXX

After the show concluded, it took ten minutes for Jane to bully Trent out of bed. Daria watched in glee as she finally got a pitcher of ice water and doused him with it. "NOT THE HOSE!" he shrieked as he jumped up, before he realized that he was, in fact, indoors. "Not cool, Janey," he chastised her as she handed him a towel.

"Trent, you know you have to practice consistently if you want Mystik Spiral to be a success."

Trent just grumbled, knowing Jane to be true.

Trent shuffled downstairs to the basement, where three other men were already setting up their instruments. Another woman was there, too. She had a mop of black hair (with dark red highlights framing her face), a nose ring, a choker, and shirt which bared her midriff. "Hey, baby," she said, giving Trent a kiss. "Did Jane give you a hard time getting up?"

"Yeah," he said, sounding annoyed. "Ice water again."

"Harsh," said one of the band, a man with long hair, a leather vest, and no shirt.

"Well, you're SUPPOSED to get up when it's practice time!" she said, poking his chest for effect. Trent just grumbled again.

The three women sat down to watch the band practice. "Hi, I'm Monique," said the new woman, reaching out to shake hands. "I'm Trent's girlfriend, and the manager of Mystik Spiral." She glanced over to Jane. "Well, co-manager, I guess."

"Cool. So, what sort of music do these guys play?" Jane asked.

"They have kind of a punk-rock tone," Monique explained. "They used to play terrible songs that Trent wrote about his ex, but we got a better songwriter, and we make them practice more than once a month."

Jane handed a pair of earplugs to Daria. "I thought you said they were good?"

Jane nodded. "They still haven't gotten out of the habit of playing loud, though. If you want to go deaf, be my guest."

Daria shrugged and popped the earplugs in. Trent counted the band off, and then...her teeth started vibrating in their gums. She turned to Jane, who just nodded. 'I told you so', it said. 


	5. Chapter 5

"So, Brittany Taylor, a cheerleader, invited me to a party she's having tonight," Daria said conversationally over a slice of pizza.

"How is Brittany?" Jane asked.

"You know her?"

Jane nodded. "She was the friendliest girl in school ever since first grade -- and right as she entered high school, guys got two big reasons to be friendly right back to her."

"Were you friends with her?" Daria asked.

"Brittany was friends with everybody," Jane said evasively. Daria decided to let the matter drop.

"Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to come with."

"You're going?" Jane asked, mild surprise in her voice. "Sure, why not."

XXXX

"Names?" The guard at the gate to Brittany's mansion wanted to check them off versus the list of expected guests.

"Daria Morgendorffer."

"Okay, and you? What's your name?"

"Tiffany Blum-Deckler."

The guard checked the two names off his list. "Alright, go on through."

Daria turned to Jane as they walked up the driveway, an expectant look on her face.

"Tiffany Blum-Deckler is the social butterfly type. I figured that there was a good chance that she'd been invited and was just being 'fashionably late', as her kind is so wont to do."

They reached the front door. Jane sighed, then rang the doorbell. After a few moments, Brittany opened it.

"Daria!" she greeted. "And Jane! What are you doing here? I thought you got expelled?"

"I got emancipated, Brittany," she explained.

"Ohhhh, I knew it started with an E!" Brittany responded. "Wait, emancipated...were you a slave?"

Jane's mouth opened to answer, but then she thought it over. "Yeah, kinda," she finally said.

"Well, come on in! Oh, by the way Jane, Jodie's not here, so you don't have to worry about her."

Daria leaned towards her friend and whispered, "Jodie Landon? What's that about her?"

Jane shrugged. "I kinda accidentally stole her boyfriend last year. She didn't take it well."

Daria grimaced. "How do you accidentally steal somebody's boyfriend?"

"Well, one day after school I found him waiting outside my house in his father's ice cream truck..."

XXXX

"Ladies!"

Daria and Jane turned from their appraisal of the snack foods on display to see a red-headed fellow wearing clothes which pegged him as a resident of Crewe Neck.

"Hello, Charles," Jane responded coolly.

His face took on an expression of shock. "Jane? I...I thought you were expelled?"

"Emancipated," she corrected, sounding on edge from having to correct people twice in the space of a few minutes. "Anyway, Charles, you do remember what my brother said he'd do if you bothered me again, right?"

Charles' face paled considerably as he backed away. A small smile briefly formed on Jane's face as he nudged a jock, causing him to spill his drink all over his shirt.

"Old friend of yours?" Daria asked unnecessarily as they watched the fracas.

"I made the mistake of getting him a friendly Valentine one year, and he hit on me for three months straight. It took Trent and Jesse to promise him gratuitous violence to make him back off."

Daria looked a bit disturbed by the news. "If he was sexually harassing you, why didn't you go to...uh...somebody?" Daria almost said Ms. Li or Mrs. Manson, then realized what a sincerely stupid idea that would be.

Jane shrugged. "Eh, he wasn't sexually harassing me, more like...following me around like a lost puppy, begging for a date. He usually acts like Hugh Hefner's illegitimate grandson, but his brain shuts down at the prospect of treating a woman like a human being. Someday, a woman will have her way with him, and that poor boy will propose on the spot."

XXXX

"But I am Tiffany Blum-Deckler," Tiffany Blum-Deckler insisted.

"Yeah right, miss. Tiffany Blum-Deckler is inside already, I already checked her off on my list." He showed her the list.

"Uh..." Tiffany thought for a second. "Did I say Blum-Deckler? I meant Hodge."

The guard wondered if he could get a pay raise for talking to this woman.

XXXXXXXX

Hey gang, I've posted a status update on my current incomplete stories (in the Dariaverse, at least) on my profile. If you're curious, go check it out. (I may even try to keep it updated semi-frequently, but no promises). 


	6. Chapter 6

"Aunt Amy?"

Jane turned at the unfamiliar voice. It was some redhead girl with a pink shirt. "Um, no?"

The redhead narrowed her eyes. "You look a lot like my Aunt Amy. Are you related to Amy Barksdale?"

Jane shook her head.

"Oh. Well, you do look a lot like her."

Jane just stared.

"So...do you go to Lawndale?"

Jane sighed internally. "No. I left early and got my GED."

The girl stared at Jane curiously. "You can leave school early?"

Jane nodded.

"And what's a GED?"

"General Equivalency Diploma -- the equivalent of having a high school diploma." Jane watched the gears turning in the girl's head. "Don't bother. To get one, you'd have to know everything you would learn in high school anyway."

"Damnit," the girl said. They stood there a moment longer. "Damnit!" she said again. "Who the hell is taking so damn long in the bathroom?"

"Uh...this is actually the laundry room," Jane corrected her.

"It is? Then...ooh!" She scrunched her face up angrily before marching off to find the bathroom.

A moment later, the door opened and Daria stepped out. "What happened to Bobby Bighead?" Jane asked.

Daria shrugged. "I wasn't really interested," she said nonchalantly.

"Too bad." Jane plucked a sock off of Jane's shoulder. "Is this yours?"

"Okay, fine. He thought my head was a lollipop."

XXXX

Tired of the party, they called Trent and proceeded to leave Brittany's mansion. She said goodbye to them before they left.

"Thanks for coming, Daria! And it was good seeing you again, Jane! You two should come to my parties more often!"

A girl stuck her head out the door. "Uh, Brittany? The Jacuzzi is flooding."

"Oh no!" Brittany fled back into the house, leaving Daria and Jane to walk back down to the gate.

They walked a bit before talking. "Do you think we should take her up on her offer?" Daria asked.

Jane shrugged. "I suppose, when I have the occasional free day like today." She was considering her obligations to work and university.

"Or," Daria suggested slyly. "We could go to those UFO conventions."

Jane shuddered. "I told you, Daria, I've met that Artie before. And he has tremendously bad body odor."

Daria cackled at Jane's objections as the reached the gate.

The guard looked relieved to see them. "Ms. Blum-Deckler, can you please tell this young woman that she's not Tiffany Blum-Deckler?"

Daria and Jane turned to the Asian teen, then back to the guard. "No," Jane answered.

"And why not?"

"Because she is Tiffany Blum-Deckler. Just check her ID." And with that, Daria and Jane walked towards Trent's waiting car.

"Oh yeah, my ID," Tiffany said with a tone of wonder. She fished around in her purse for it and then held it out to the guard, her Lawndale High student ID card.

The guard was too busy staring at the backs of the retreating girls to look at it, though. He then regarded Tiffany for a moment, and began to cry.

"Does this mean I can go to the party now?


	7. Chapter 7

"It was very nice of your friend to give us a tour around Middleton," Helen said to Daria as they left the car. "She must be exceptionally good, if she got into Middleton at 16."

Jane shrugged. "Eh, she's getting paid for the tour, so it was no biggie. Oh, that reminds me, be sure to check five stars on all the items when you get that customer satisfaction card thing in the mail."

"We're supposed to meet her in the quad," Jake said, studying a map of the Middleton campus. "Damnit, why did they have to move everything around?"

Helen stopped with a gasp. "Amy!" Daria looked to see whom Helen was addressing.

"Uh, mom, that's my friend Jane."

"Oh, aheh, sorry." Helen reached out to shake Jane's hand. "I'm sorry, you just look so much like my sister, Amy Barksdale."

"I get that a lot," Jane sighed.

"Hey, you're that girl from the party!" Quinn noticed.

"Did you ever find the bathroom?" Jane asked her. Quinn just made a face.

"So, Jane-o, do you live here on campus?" Jake asked. "I used to have some pret-ty wild times..." He trailed off as he noticed Quinn and Daria watching him. "...on nature hikes. Yeah! Nothing like the wild, uh, wilderness!" A water balloon suddenly landed on his head, exploding and soaking his upper half in water. He looked up and shook his fist in rage, shouting "Damnit! I'll kill you, college scum!"

Jane looked uneasy at her best friend's father suddenly spouting death threats. "Um, if you'll come with me, I'll show you the duck pond, where we, uh, can feed some ducks."

"Ooh, duckies!" Jake said excitedly, and followed along with his family.

"So, uh, has he ever actually killed somebody?" Jane whispered to Daria.

"Dad? Oh, no, he's perfectly harmless. The worst you could expect from him is him ranting about his father for a few minutes, then he's right as rain," Daria answered, whispering as well.

XXXX

Jane led the Morgendorffers into one of the dormitories. "I can't really say how good dorm life is, since I live at home with my brother. I've heard some horror stories from my classmates which make me confident I chose wisely. Besides, they charge 500 a month to live in one."

"Five hundred dollars?!" Jake cried. "Girls, you're living at home, no questions."

A woman approached them. "Hey Jane, do you have my psych paper ready yet?"

Jane shook her head. "My boss put me on extra night shifts all this week, so I won't be able to get it to you until Saturday. Sorry, Heather."

"It's cool," she said, going back into one of the dormitories.

"You help people cheat?" Helen asked, shocked.

"They pay me good money," Jane retorted.

"In cash?" Jake asked.

"I don't take checks from college students."

"Good girl," Jake said to Helen.

"Young lady, it's wrong to encourage cheaters and profit from them!"

Jane sighed. "You know, you're right, Ms. Morgendorffer. I'll stop writing papers for money."

Helen smiled.

"Instead, I'll work two full-time jobs instead of one while being a full-time college student, and I'll burn out in six months. I'll live in this town for the rest of my life, serving cashews to mouth-breathers."

The Morgendorffers stared at Jane in shock. "Um. That's okay," Helen finally said. "Could we see the bursar now?"

Jane shrugged. "Sure thing. I hope he's in today, and not the assistant bursar."

"Oh? What's wrong with him?" Jake asked.

"I think he might have ties to the mafia."

Jake and Helen laughed, then stopped when they noticed Jane wasn't laughing.

"Just ignore him if he tries to refer you to the loan institution/candy shop/garbage collector/bookie."

Jake and Helen shared an uneasy look.

XXXX

"So your mom decided Middleton wasn't for you, huh?" Jane asked as she tied on the apron for her job.

"Yeah. Apparently, she remembered what it was like when she went to college there. Having her memory jogged by some guy asking for her underwear helped a little, too."

"Mm," Jane said. "So what are your college plans going to be, then?"

Daria shrugged. "I dunno. I like painting, I guess, so a school that has a strong art program."

Jane considered. "Well, there's BFAC, up in Boston. I thought about going there, but they're too far away from Trent, and they didn't have a strong English program."

"English?" Daria asked. "I thought you were going in for business or law."

"Priorities change," Jane said, a distant look on her face. 


	8. Chapter 8

The brick went sailing through the air, its momentum propelling it through the plate glass window. Shatter! Alarm! Police siren! The figure moved quickly in the darkness.

They had staked the place out earlier in the evening, determining that the only item of any worth in the cafe was the cappuccino maker.

Hurdle the broken window -- careful for the glass. Move to the cappuccino maker -- heave it up. Grunt, for it is heavy. Long, careful steps back to the window -- stop, there is someone there.

XXXX

"Andrea?"

"Uh...no?"

Jane sighed. "I know it's you, Andrea. Why did you break into the cafe?"

"What are YOU doing here?" Andrea asked, trying to turn the line of questioning around.

"I was supposed to watch Daria perform here tonight, but I got held up at my job. I didn't think to call ahead. Why are you stealing the coffee machine?"

Andrea looked down at the heavy coffee machine, which she still held. "Uh..."

She decided to tell the truth. "I need money to buy my grandmother some medicine."

"Uh-huh," Jane said, unconvinced. The sound of the store's alarm was starting to give her a headache.

"Look, can we talk about this some other time?" Andrea asked. The police sirens, growing louder, were making her very nervous.

Jane sighed. "Okay. Just...try to stay out of trouble in the future, okay?"

"I'll try," Andrea lied.

XXXX

Andrea rang the doorbell. After a minute, her grandmother opened.

"Hi, gramma," she greeted.

"Did you get me any chocolate?" her grandmother demanded.

"No, gramma, but I got your insulin," Andrea said, giving the bag from the pharmacy to her grandmother.

"Ah, thank you, dear." She took the bag and gave her granddaughter a hug. "You're so good to me. Wish you would've brought some chocolate, though."

"You know you're not supposed to have any," Andrea chided. "Doctor's orders."

"What he doesn't know won't hurt him," the older woman said irritably. "I don't like folks thinking they know what's best for me. Just the other day, some punk girl knocked on my door, offered me chocolate, and then changed her mind for no reason."

Something in her grandmother's voice caught Andrea's attention. "For no reason?" she prompted.

"JUst because I had one of my spells..." her grandmother replied dismissively.

"You fainted again?" Andrea asked, incensed. "Gramma, you know you're supposed to call the doctor when that happens!"

"To hell with that quack! I'll do what I want!" Her grandmother was almost shouting.

"I have to go," Andrea said, leaving before her grandmother could say anything else.

As she walked down the sidewalk, she struggled to fight the tears which threatened to forge trails of salt water down her cheeks. It hurt her so much that her grandmother spurned the medical establishment so thoroughly. She knew one day she would come over to find her grandmother's cooling body in bed, or on the kitchen floor, or (God forbid) in the shower.

And it would be Andrea who found the body -- nobody else in her family gave a damn, not even her own mother, her grandmother's daughter. Her mother had just given up on trying to help Gramma, which disgusted Andrea to her core. She had sworn she would never give up -- though, on days like this, it was so tempting.

XXXXXXXXXX

Something different this time around! Two somethings, actually: That first bit where I'm experimenting with the narrative, and this chapter's focus on Andrea.

Really, I could have written this as an entire stand-alone fic (or perhaps the start of its own series...), but for now, this works best as The Young Switcheroo's interpretation of the events of 'Cafe Disaffecto'. 


	9. Chapter 9

"...So, after I found out they didn't sell scissors, I pawned my coupon off to one of Quinn's friends, the one with the pigtails...Stacy, I think, for half its worth. Five seconds after she sat in the chair, they cut off her pigtails and she started crying, so they gave her double her money back." Daria was sitting on Jane's bed telling her about the field trip she had gone on to the Mall of the Millennium. Jane was working on a paper for one of her peers at college.

"Stacy without pigtails..." Daria mused. "She's had them ever since the beginning of middle school. It's hard to imagine her without them."

"Later, I heard Kevin got busted for shoplifting from some doodad store -- after winning their ten thousandth customer award. Has he really always been that dumb?"

"Let me put it like this: Kevin still thought Santa Claus was real during our freshman year."

"Ouch."

"I still say you should have blackmailed your sister."

Daria shrugged. "I guess I just don't have the same mercenary spirit as you do."

"Speaking of mercenary spirit, I found this flyer tucked in the newspaper box today," Jane said, handing the leaflet to Daria.

"'We're looking for people who like...to kill'," Jane read aloud. "General Buck Conroy, huh? Well, I still haven't decided on a career yet." She put the flyer into her pocket.

XXXX

Later...

XXXX

"And while Principal Angela Li denies inviting the mercenary recruiters to Lawndale High, News Five has learned that she did recently allow a modeling school to solicit students on school grounds..."

"Stacy!" Stacy was drawn away from the TV by her mother's call. "You got a letter today," she said, handing the envelope to her daughter.

Her eyes glanced over to the return address, then shot open and looked again. "Amazon Modeling Agency?" she said aloud to herself. She tore open the letter and read it. "I won?" she squeaked. "But...but I only went to the class because Quinn begged me! My hair's too mangled to be beautiful! They were all just complimenting me to be nice...weren't they?" She picked up the phone to call Quinn.

XXXXXXXXXX

Woo, a new (albeit short) chapter of The Young switcheroo! This chapter was a rather long time coming because I couldn't think of anything interesting for the dynamic duo to get up to in either Malled or This Year's Model. So, I decided on a little compromise: they have a nice little talk, which segues into 'Daria' butterflying Stacy into winning the modelling contract.

I also decided to push this chapter out now because I was rather sick for two weeks this month and decided to reward my not-dying skills with a Young Switcheroo update. Hopefully, it'll be much easier to find something for the switcheroo'd Jane and Daria to get up to in The Lab Brat.

(I suspect it'd be easier for Daria and Jane to have more adventures together if they actually went to school together, which doesn't happen in this universe, if you still remember that far back. Fortunately, I've been laying plot threads for other characters, like Andrea and Mrs. Johanssen, and Stacy winning the modeling contract. I may end up following other characters too. Stay tuned!) 


End file.
